Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

7 Gifts to Give Yourself on Mother’s Day

On May 9th, women around the world will wake up to a wide variety of Mother’s Day gifts. Many will get adorable cards made with crayons and construction paper. Some will wake up to breakfast in bed made with more love than culinary skill and still others will receive flowers from loved ones far away. Some will get gifts with fabulous vintage images like this one we used above compliments of our friends at The Vintage Workshop.  As always, Mom’s and Grandmothers everywhere will be pleased to be remembered and will appreciate these loving gestures and delightful gifts.

Yet, some of the sweetest and most treasured gifts women can receive on Mothers Day are the gifts we give to ourselves. Not diamond bracelets or a pampered day at a spa, both perfectly lovely gifts and fun to receive.

We’re talking about gifts that are far more valuable but completely free–gifts that make us stronger, happier and more confident women and that we will joyfully pass on to our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends. So, this Mother’s Day, we encourage women to take a few quiet moments alone and indulge yourself with these seven gifts that every woman deserves to give herself.

1. TAME THE MAGIC MIRROR: When Snow White’s stepmother asked the Magic Mirror that ill-fated question about who was fairest in the land, she set off a chain of events that destroyed her, nearly crushed the woodsman, wreaked havoc with those seven little miners and turned a young girl out of her home. How often do we catch a quick glance at our own reflections as we head out the door and give ourselves some version of the magic mirror’s negative proclamation? Who hasn’t stood in front of the bathroom mirror while getting dressed for the day and lamented over our imperfections rather than notice the strong, nurturing, wonderful women we really are? We think the problem lays not so much in the answer the Queen got from the mirror but in the question she asked in the first place. Let’s stop asking the mirror for validation and instead tell the mirror what we need. Repeat after us: “I am perfect just the way I am – a woman in full bloom, valuable, vibrant, and full of life.”

2. DITCH THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK: We say things to ourselves that we would never allow others to say to us; truly horrible things. “I’m so stupid. I’m fat. I’m dumb.” These negative self-talking voices crowd our thoughts and take up valuable space in our heads. It’s time for us to lay down the law and make a new rule that nobody gets to say mean things about us…especially us. Repeat after us: “I will only speak to and about myself in a kind way. I will say positive things and if I slip and say something negative I will stop, right then and there, and correct myself with a nicer statement. I deserve the same kind of respect that I give to others.”

3. ENJOY THE VIEW: Remember the old analogy of life being a tapestry? We believe that’s true, but we think that most of the time we live at the back of the tapestry, where it’s all messy, with knots and strings hanging everywhere, and we’re just jumping around trying to avoid the sharp needle that keeps poking through. It’s a rare moment when we get to step around to the front and take in the beauty of a life well lived. Taking the time to stop and look back at where you’ve come from to get to this point in your life is a wonderful gift to give yourself. Imagine yourself standing on the top of a beautiful mountain with a clean, fresh wind blowing through your hair and repeat after us: “I have been on an incredible journey to get to this place in my life. I can see that I’ve done an amazing job. I may have stumbled along the way, but I’m here and I’m alive and I’m remarkable.”

4. GATHER POSITIVE FRIENDS: We believe that everyone needs and deserves at least one other person to watch them live their lives so that, on occasion, they can turn to them and ask, “How am I doing?” and trust they will get an honest answer. If you have a circle of trusted friends, you’re very blessed. To have one or more totally agenda-free women who can hold up the mirror to you in times of stress and remind you what they see—the best of you—is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. Remember that in order to have such a friend, you must be such a friend. Repeat after us: “I will surround myself with women friends who want the best for me and see the best in me. I deserve this support in my life.”

5. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN: We women often say yes when we really, really want to say no. There are many reasons why we do this not the least of which is we’re just afraid others won’t like us if we say no. When we say yes and don’t really mean yes, we become filled with resentment toward the people who asked for our time in the first place. Wouldn’t you be upset if you invited a friend to do something and she said yes so as not to hurt your feelings but she showed up feeling resentful because she needed to say no? We owe it to ourselves AND to our friends to say yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no. Repeat after us: “I will be honest with myself and with others about what I can do, what I want to do and what I am willing to do. If I do what’s best for me I do what’s best for everyone.”

6. EMBRACE YOUR INNER POLLYANNA: It turns out that we’re not born knowing how to be happy. It’s a skill we have to practice, just like riding a bike. Once you know how, you’ll never forget how to do it and you’ll get better with practice. If you’ve been telling yourself that you need a few more things before you can be happy, this is the moment to stop telling yourself tall tales. As we say in the Midwest, “it’s time to poop or get off the pot about being happy.” We love the story of Pollyanna and her Glad Game. She would look for some small thing to be happy about in every situation. In doing so, she changed the attitude of an entire town. It sounds simplistic and a little silly but we think that by finding one thing every morning and one thing every evening to be glad about, we can practice being happy. Some mornings we might only be able to muster being happy about having woken up and some evening we may only be grateful that we have a bed to sleep in. That’s enough and by practicing, we’ll eventually increase our glad lists. Repeat after us: “I will ditch the I’ll be happy when’s. I will find one thing to be glad about every morning and another to be glad about each night. Just like with the practice of faith, I’ll build the practice of happiness into my life.”

7. CELEBRATE LIFE: You’ve learned to admire yourself. You’re speaking about yourself in positive language. You say what you mean and you mean what you say and you’ve gathered a powerful support system of positive women. You’ve embraced the practice of happiness and now it’s time to declare yourself to be Queen of Your Own Life. You deserve to think of yourself as worthy of respect and admiration and to view yourself as powerful and beautiful. So without further ado, place the imaginary (or real) crown on your head and repeat after us: “I am Queen of my own life. I will use my power to decide each day to live my life without judgment and to enjoy myself fully. As my first official act, I choose to_________________.”

We want you to fill in that blank and let us all know what you’ll do next, you amazing woman. Happy Mother’s Day or as we like to think of it Happy Fabulous Woman Day.

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8 Responses to “7 Gifts to Give Yourself on Mother’s Day”

  1. annamarie says:

    Today I will leave behind my past life and celebrate my life now. For I am wonderful and great
    My soul shall sing my praises .

  2. Tracy says:

    Smile and enjoy my tapestry!!

  3. Marsha says:

    Ah. . . I’ll breathe, take myself as I am right now, for nothing else exists. I’ll cherish all the love that surrounds me, shield myself with every good wish, every loving deed and every warm thought ever sent my way. I’ll surround myself with inspiration and share it abundantly.

  4. Cherry Woodburn says:

    I choose to believe in myself and my abilities.

  5. Queen Pam Broussard says:

    Just finished your book and love the concept. We shouldn’t wait for others to crown us queen we have to make it happen on our own.
    I have been queen of my life for over 10 years now and have even had a royal court to support me for that long. I have been queen and been treated like a queen just because, I said so. I believed that I was special enough and deserved it and everyone around me believed it and started to treat me differently.
    I’m known amongst my friends and family as queen Pam.
    Actually it was all a form of therapy. When I was in high school ( 1976) i was on the homecoming court. Me and 4 other girls. Only one of us was to be crowned queen. I was sure I had the crown in the bag. When the crowning ceremony commenced and they crowned Queen Bertha the queen of the ball I was devistated. I thought for sure it was going to be me me and only me. Damn.
    I continued to live my life as if I were special enough to be queen even though in the eyes of all my peers I was only a princess. That wasnt’ good enough for me. I always wanted to wear that damn crown. So I worked out, dressed well ,was nice to all around me and still no one ever placed a crown on my head.
    When my boys were involved in football in high school I would droll over the queen crowning at half time. I had the urge to get my crown and I wanted to be down on that field too. I admitted my rage to all my friends and they saw a need for me to “get therapy” so they came to my rescue. One of the fathers campaigned for me with signs to vote for queen pam. Antoher friend made a crown, pillow, sash and gave me a rose and officially made me queen of the homecoming “stands” amongst our friends and family. There you go. I felt special. It was a full circle moment. Whew I was healed.
    I have been crowned with glory from all around me ever since. I have a special glow to me that radiats rolalty in a good way.
    Each year at homecoming i bring a bag with a crown for me and 4 of my court members and my sash and rose and I celebrate queen hood just for the 15 min of half time that the youngsters are celebrating on the field.
    Therapy complete.
    SInce Ive read your book I realize I could have crowned myself a long time ago. I was just waiting for some one else to do it. I am going to throw a party to bring other queens into my life. We will all be equal in our journey and celebrate all the Ladies in Waiting from now on. Thanks for the inspiration and good laughs.

  6. Emily says:

    Ah. . . I’ll breathe, take myself as I am right now, for nothing else exists. I’ll cherish all the love that surrounds me, shield myself with every good wish, every loving deed and every warm thought ever sent my way. I’ll surround myself with inspiration and share it abundantly.

  7. Arliene says:

    Just finished your book and love the concept. We shouldn’t wait for others to crown us queen we have to make it happen on our own. I have been queen of my life for over 10 years now and have even had a royal court to support me for that long. I have been queen and been treated like a queen just because, I said so. I believed that I was special enough and deserved it and everyone around me believed it and started to treat me differently. I’m known amongst my friends and family as queen Pam. Actually it was all a form of therapy. When I was in high school ( 1976) I was on the homecoming court. Me and 4 other girls. Only one of us was to be crowned queen. I was sure I had the crown in the bag. When the crowning ceremony commenced and they crowned Queen Bertha the queen of the ball I was devastated. I thought for sure it was going to be me me and only me. Damn. I continued to live my life as if I were special enough to be queen even though in the eyes of all my peers I was only a princess. That wasn’t good enough for me. I always wanted to wear that damn crown. So I worked out, dressed well, was nice to all around me and still no one ever placed a crown on my head. When my boys were involved in football in high school I would droll over the queen crowning at half time. I had the urge to get my crown and I wanted to be down on that field too. I admitted my rage to all my friends and they saw a need for me to get therapy; so they came to my rescue. One of the fathers campaigned for me with signs to vote for queen Pam. Another friend made a crown, pillow, sash and gave me a rose and officially made me queen of the homecoming stands; amongst our friends and family. There you go. I felt special. It was a full circle moment. Whew I was healed. I have been crowned with glory from all around me ever since. I have a special glow to me that radiates royalty in a good way. Each year at homecoming I bring a bag with a crown for me and 4 of my court members and my sash and rose and I celebrate queen hood just for the 15 min of half time that the youngsters are celebrating on the field. Therapy complete. SInce I’ve read your book I realize I could have crowned myself a long time ago. I was just waiting for some one else to do it. I am going to throw a party to bring other queens into my life. We will all be equal in our journey and celebrate all the Ladies in Waiting from now on. Thanks for the inspiration and good laughs.

  8. Cynthia says:

    I just shared this on Facebook. Some great advice here.

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