Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Choice and Practice | The Battle for You

by Kathy Kinney

Choice and practice.  Look in the mirror and repeat after us, “I will make the choice today to tell myself that I am enough.  I will practice by reminding myself of that truth as often as I need to hear it.”

At lunch yesterday, a friend and I were talking about fear and low self-esteem.  She asked me, “How do you battle low self-esteem?”  I told her for me it’s, “Choice and practice.” I have come to understand that my low self-esteem is a bad habit left over from childhood and it is always activated by my fear.  In hind sight, 100% of the time, I always see that my fear was just  “False Evidence Appearing Real.”

So my choice, in every situation, is to believe that I am enough.  Then I practice that belief every day.  I was at an audition last week and there were also a lot of big name actresses that I had grown up watching on TV.  I wanted to drop into a little ball of “not enough” but what I could feel in the room, thick as fog, was fear.  They were all afraid.  I sat down and looked around at these talented women and I thought to myself, “You are enough, we are all enough, we are all so much more alike than we are different.”  Then I practiced by admitting to everyone that I always thought anyone but me should get the job.  At first they were all surprised but soon every single one admitted that they always thought the same thing too.  Before long we were all laughing and actually having a good time.  It turned out to be a fun afternoon.  I am enough, you are enough, we are all enough.  Make the choice and practice.

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18 Responses to “Choice and Practice | The Battle for You”

  1. nancy says:

    I love this website, a coworker sent i to me on a day that i was struggling with thinking i was not good enough to go to my ministry school., I have learned since then . that i am and that the past experiences wee creeping into my subcounsios telling me i was’nt. How is it that a small comment years ago can leave you peralized with fear. needless to say, i am in school. and the healing that has come through is a miracle .I am enough and i am in fact he queen of my life . thank you so much for reminding so many people that they are truely enough.

  2. cindy says:

    And we applaud you Nancy, for the adventure you’re thinking of undertaking regarding ministry school. It is never, ever too late to be your next greatest incarnation.

  3. Michele says:

    I love hearing that we are all more “alike” than “different”. Putting a common womanhood face on each of us is so refreshing!

  4. rose says:

    This certainly came to me at the right time today. I’ve battled with the feeling of just not being enough in so many aspects of my life but mostly the battle rages in my relationships. I’m never “the one”, I’m always “the buddy” “I’m too fat” and today it’s “I’m not enough for him” I had gastric bypass surgery about a year and a half ago. I’ve lost 222 pounds and I do feel great in so many ways but….and yes you knew there would be a but. I have skin. A new roadblock that I’ve set up for myself. When will I ever allow myself to be “ENOUGH”.

  5. cindy says:

    Rose, Cindy here. I know exactly what you’re going through. I had gastric bypass surgery too and it changed my life. But those old feelings didn’t go away with the weight and I, too, found new reasons to not feel “enough.” It’s practice, practice, practice. You are now, and always were, enough. You’ve taken steps to get healthier and that’s a good thing. Now it’s time to thank yourself for taking care of you and keep working hard to practice believing you’re worthy of your own (and others) affection.

  6. cindy says:

    Michele, We’ve traveled a lot over the last year, talking to women about our book and the concepts in it. Rich, poor, tall, short, fat, thin, old, young, we find that we all have fears, doubts, wishes, passions and so many of those things are the same. We want to be seen and heard, loved and valued. That really does make us all so much more alike than different. When we know that, we can look at strangers we meet and see them through a different lens. We can see their sameness to us and hopefully that will prompt a pleasant word, a smile or a gesture of kindness.

  7. rose says:

    Cindy, thank you and you’re right it’s going to be hard but it’s the only way to believe in myself is to change the old, negative, self-defeating messages. I have to try, I owe it myself. Thanks again!

  8. Corinne says:

    I am reading the book….I have had it for a long time and read the first chapter months ago. It lifted me up so much I was sure my daughter should read it…she was worth it. But me? Well, I wasn’t so sure. You see, I don’t hear. I have a hearing loss. I have had it most of my life along with a few physical ailments/deformities. I was never enough. And some joker upstairs decided to make my hearing loss worse five years ago, and then again this year.

    But you know what? I read your affirmation on page 30. “I am the sum of my life experiences and I am beautiful beyond measure. I am ready to be the Queen of my Own Life. If not now, when?” Those few words changed me. I may have trouble hearing but I have overcome a lot because of it. I have done things that others could not even imagine. I really am beautiful beyond measure. Maybe not the same way as Nicole Kidman or the models in the magazines — I couldn’t walk the red carpet but could they live a day not hearing anything? We all have our talents. I have many. Facing my fear and saying I am enough…even though I am not perfect, I am still enough. I have to practice saying that every morning, noon and night and many times in between….do people really want to make the extra effort to befriend a person who can’t hear? Well, in many cases yes! I am enough. Thank you Kathy and Cindy for leading me to know this truth. I am enough. Maybe not for every person I meet, but for many people…I am enough. And for me. I am enough. So sayeth the Queen 🙂

  9. cheryl says:

    I also started reading your book again. Bought it for a friend and she read it right away. I guess it just has to be the right time. But lately I have been struggling internally and your book is really making me aware of the fact the I am the only one that can make me happy and I have to make that effort every single day. I love you guys and wish you were coming to Chicago soon but I don’t think so .

  10. Struggle with this all the time as I am not well enough to hold down a job. With things just becoming tighter, as our rent is being raised on us 100.00 a month , not being able to move due to it would wipe out our savings, I feel as if I am not good enough in life as all I do is keep the apartment clean , and often need help with that.. so day in and day out it is a struggle to accept and love myself ….but I keep trying, and luckily my family accepts me and loves me despite it all.

  11. Molly Smith says:

    I am so glad I clicked on that Tweet 🙂 This so applies to something I am facing next Monday evening, and I am already getting excited about it (instead of dreading it) just by reading this. Thank you so very much for sharing.

    I too have bought the book and it is on a stack of other new books, but it is on top. This is the huge nudge to start reading again.


  12. cindy says:

    Thank you for taking the time to tell us, Molly. We really appreciate it, are glad you found us and :), there are no accidents.

  13. cindy says:

    Stephanie, Know that you are not your job and you are not your illness. You are that spark inside you that is a survivor and is a creative thinker. The struggles are outside of you. They affect you but they are not you. You are enough. These hopefully temporary trials are boulders in your path, but don’t reflect on you. That’s the hard part to remember but we’re here to remind you. You are perfect, just the way you are and you have everything within you to turn left or right and get around these boulders, however large they are or however long the journey. We’re so grateful that you are here. When we share our stories, we help each other realize that we are all so much more alike than we are different. So thank you for your gift of sharing.

  14. Meredithe says:

    I can’t say enough how inspiring your posts are to me and how timely this one is. I haven’t posted in a while. I have been struggling a lot lately with self esteem issues while I am fighting breast cancer and ending an abusive marriage and dealing with a contentious divorce.

    These words remind me that I left because I am enough – and I am good enough, strong enough and worth far more than even I have realized in the past. Your book gives me daily inspiration and hope – and is teaching me to silence my mongrel horde! You two ROCK!

  15. cindy says:

    You know how we often say that sometimes it takes a good friend to hold up the mirror so you can see what what they see? We’re going to hold up the mirror today and tell you what we see. We see an incredibly brave woman who walked through fear to bring herself out of danger AND then had the added burden of illness to carry. And yet you did, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. And, now you’re standing on the top of your own Windy Mountain and looking out over the land of infinite possibilities. Can you feel that wind blowing on your face? We are so excited for you. You are on an amazing journey and you are one heck of a powerful woman.

  16. cindy says:

    Meredithe, You are an incredibly strong and brave woman and we’re glad to be on this journey with you.

  17. cindy says:

    Corinne, I want to thank you for sharing your profoundly touching story. Nearly every woman we talk with has something in her life that has held her back and made her feel she’s not enough. There are very few Nicole Kidman’s in the world, and I’m willing to bet that even she has moments of wondering if she’s “enough.” Breaking through this self-imposed myth of what is enough is one of the boldest, bravest things we can do. So from our computers, we’re cheering and clapping and saying Bravo Corinne.

  18. cindy says:

    And, I believe you can do it Rose. In fact, I know you can. It just takes practice.

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