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Queen of Your Own Life

Fear | Naming and Claiming Our Royalty

by Cindy Ratzlaff

Fear is a mountain, an ocean, a deep crevice, a dark room, or a thick brick wall that surrounds us no matter which way you turn. We can feel fear in every part of our bodies. It engulfs us. And, it stops us from living the life we deserve.

Very often, when I find I’m frustrated, overwhelmed, disorganized, have chaotic thinking or am exhausted, when I dig down and give myself the time to talk it through with a good friend, I almost always find fear at the bottom of the pile of crumby feelings.

My most royal friend and advisor, Kathy Kinney, always reminds me that F.E.A.R. stands for false evidence appearing real. And, you know, she’s right.  I had one of those days yesterday where I wanted to stop and let myself have a good cry because I thought I’d set some goals for myself that were just too much work and I was feeling overwhelmed.  But a little quiet time to think and write about the situation, led me to see that I was fearful. Fearful about learning new technology, stretching myself outside my comfort zone and fearful about succeeding or failing in my new adventure. The false evidence appearing real is that I have a great deal of the skill and knowledge I need, already, to accomplish this new goal.  I’m in a class to teach me what I don’t know.  It’s all manageable and fear is keeping me from enjoying the journey.

It’s normal and ok to be afraid. But when fear stops us from trying new things, then we need to confront it. So for today, I’m looking in the mirror and having a good talk with myself, and then I’m showing up and doing exactly what I’m afraid to do.  Join me?

Look in the mirror and repeat after me. “The unknown is an adventure. The, as yet undone, is an opportunity. The new is a joy. Every time fear rears it’s head today, I will stop and laugh. For I am Queen of My Own Life and I will not be stopped.”

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2 Responses to “Fear | Naming and Claiming Our Royalty”

  1. Leslie says:

    Hi Kathy and Cindy,

    I just watched your video message on ‘Banishing Your Inner Crone’. Wow! That definition of ‘crone’ is really nasty! I decided to look the word up and got similarly nasty definitions such as: withered old woman; an old woman of witch-like appearance; and cranky old woman. A number of years ago I worked with a wonderful woman who was my art mentor and life coach for a period of five years. I’d like to share with you how she described the three stages of a woman’s life as “maiden, mother and crone” however, her definition of ‘crone’ is “a woman who had gone through her *change of life* and now held great wisdom”…apparently taken from the period of the Pagen spiritual beliefs. I think that’s pretty cool, don’t you? My art mentor also did a series of life-sized, nude drawings of several women in their crone (wise) years. They are fabulous; beautifully and sensitively portraying a profound sense of courage, strength and wisdom in each phenomenal woman.

    The things I would like to banish from the first half of my life is my low self-esteem, my fear of abandonment and my habit of smoking which replaces the love and intimacy I long for from others yet, no longer trust. The things that I really like about myself that I wish to bring into the second half of my life are my sense of humour…okay, you’re right, this isn’t easy…ummm…yes, my sense of adventure and my artist’s gift of creativity. Thank you sooo much for sharing yourselves and for the gift of “QUEEN of Your Own Life”!



  2. cindy says:

    We love this story, Leslie and thank you so much for sharing. It makes us happy that women can all come to the same place of support, self-esteem, support and all good things even if we come to that place from different paths. The word crone, as it’s used today, just wasn’t one we could embrace, which is why we co-opted the ancient meaning and replaced it with Queen. Queen was a word we didn’t have to work hard to take into our hearts and so it speaks to us. Celebrating women in our wise, strong, powerful, courageous and beautiful years is what we’re all about. And, shhhh…we really think every year in a woman’s life can be her wise, strong, powerful, courageous and beautiful time of life. We appreciate you Queen Leslie and are grateful you took the time to share with us. It means a great deal to us and to the whole community.

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