Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

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Queen of Your Own Life

Finding Friends and Nurturing Friendships

Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff write about joy, happiness and friendship daily at http://QueenofYourOwnLife.com

In order to have a good friend, she had to be a good friend. – Queenisms™

Friendship is a surprisingly difficult topic for women, many of whom feel betrayed, hurt or disregarded after having given their all to a friendship. Every time we post about friendship, we get dozens of responses from people telling us they have no friends and that the friends they thought they had have failed them in some way. We struggle with ways to help those of you who find yourself confused about friendship. Because we’re women of a certain age, we find that some friendships are “lost” because of relocation and others because of death. Death is a loss. We get that. But relocation, while taking away the ability to be together, in person, is not an excuse to let a friendship go. True friendship is so rare that it’s worth fighting for and it’s worth working harder to nurture it if miles stand between you and your beloved friend. We live on the exact opposite sides of the country and we talk every day. We get together “in person” via skype. We plan visits as often as finances will allow. We work hard to stay in each other’s lives because friendship is a rare gift.

Now let’s talk about betrayal, hurt and feeling as though others don’t go the extra mile like you do. To us, this sounds like an issue of boundaries and clarity. If you twist yourself into a knot doing everything for someone else, and never having those actions or feelings returned, then you’re investing in the wrong friendship. But before abandoning hope, give yourself and the other person the benefit of an honest conversation because sometimes your need to give overwhelms the other person and sets the pattern you’ve grown to dislike. Sit down and tell the other person, without emotion, how much you’re longing for a relationship that is a two way street. Give them a gracious out. Ask them if there is something about your friendship that causes them to hold back. Listen and process. Is there concern something you were aware of and can or want to change? If not, you have your answer about this friendship. But sometimes, in a moment of honesty, we can save a friendship that has experienced strain or neglect. Sometimes, IF we’re willing to be honest with one another.

Have you every saved a friendship that was beginning to fade? Or have you ever walked away from a friendship that was beginning to hurt? Let’s share our stories and share our strength. Friendship is a BIG issue for women and we need to support one another.

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2 Responses to “Finding Friends and Nurturing Friendships”

  1. Thank You for this article! I am blessed to have four very good girlfriends, one who I’ ve known since high school and the others I met through a spiritual community. I appreciate that we each consciously stay connected and as I’ve lived in a smaller community for the last several years without a car, two of them have made the drive down to visit me!! I am deeply grateful for my friendships where we can all be our best and worst for each other!

    Rosslyn Picton

  2. […] “Finding Friends and Nurturing Friendships” from Queen of Your Own Life by Cindy Ratzlaff and Kathy Kinney […]

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