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Queen of Your Own Life

Forgive | The Battle for You

by Cindy Ratzlaff

Forgive.  Look yourself in the eye, in the mirror and repeat after us. “I love you and I forgive you for not believing in yourself. I will change that today. I love you, forgive you and believe in you. So sayeth the Queen.”

Every woman has been hurt at some point in her life.  Most of us have been wronged, tricked, cheated or manipulated in some way by someone, either purposefully or inadvertently.  We’ve held grudges, been angry, healed and moved on.  Many of us have even forgiven our transgressors and experienced the relief and grace that comes from ridding ourselves of those negative, angry feelings.

But there is one person that deservess our forgiveness above all others and from whom we most often withhold it…ourselves.

Forgiveness is a powerful gift we can give ourselves. But before we forgive ourselves, we need to acknowledge the grudge we’re holding against ourselves. It’s different for each of us, but see if you recognize a grudge in this list.

  • I’m not where I thought I’d be in my life right now.
  • I’m not thin enough, rich enough, pretty enough.
  • I’m not in the perfect relationship.
  • Nobody understands me.
  • I don’t have any good friends.

There are more grudge possibilities but you get the idea.

You have our permission (although you most surely don’t need anyone’s permission) to wipe the slate clean and forgive yourself for anything and everything.  It is never to late to choose a different path, a different outlook and a different way of looking into that mirror.

Here’s what we believe. Every woman has value.  Every woman has the ability to slightly shift the way she looks at herself and the world so that she sees the best in herself and others instead of the worst.  That’s possible when we forgive ourselves for our imperfections.

I forgive myself for struggling with my weight, for doubting my innate abilities, for bouts of insecurity and for being so hard on myself. I choose to go forward being the best I can be and acknowledging myself daily for my achievements.

Will you join me?

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26 Responses to “Forgive | The Battle for You”

  1. deb says:

    so true. i am so hard on myself day in day out. but am trying to forgive myself from this day on

  2. cindy says:

    You are worth the effort Deb and even though it’s hard for us all to do this, we’re cheering you on and we believe in you.

  3. denice says:

    wow i have some anger i need to get rid of, i really needed this. thanks

  4. cheryl says:

    I too am so hard on myself day in and day out, but just when I feel the worse your messages always seem to appear and help me feel so much better. You two are the very best and I feel like you both are so able to connect to us “regular” queens. Thanks for always being there.

  5. Jill Williams says:

    This is truly what I needed today. After 40 years of steady employment, I’ve been unemployed for two long years. It’s hard not to beat myself up at times. But your message has prompted me to remember my value, my strengths, my achievements.
    Thank you!

  6. Lori Smith says:

    in my minds eye, Im in a dark room. I cant see much but I can hear a baby crying. I search around fratically trying to find the baby. There is trash and debris everywhere and im digging thru it and throwing it in all directions trying to uncover this crying baby.
    I finally remove enough crap that I can see the baby. I reached down in the dimmely lit area and pick the baby up only to notice that I am that baby.
    I coddle the baby whispering sweet comforting words in her ear and walk with her to safer clean place. I sit down on the floor and rock her speaking softly to her loving words. A light desends from above and rest upon myself and the baby. There is peace and joy.

  7. Mary A says:

    This is something I’ve been working on for some time now. I’ve recently come to a point where I can accept people for who they are (imperfections and all), with just a few minor slips now and then. Doing that has somehow helped me in accepting my imperfections, and thus being less hard on myself. I can still start the “blame game” but the good part is that I can realize what I’m doing to myself and stop it before it takes control. The whole process has me feeling much calmer and happier, both with others and with myself. Thanks for reminding me there’s a better way…

  8. cindy says:

    Lori, What a beautiful image. Thank you so much for sharing that.

  9. cindy says:

    As Kathy said to me when this exact thing happened to me, Jill: “You didn’t get stupid, you just got laid off.” You are still the same intelligent, capable, strong woman you were during those 40 employed years. The economy went downhill, not you!

  10. cindy says:

    Cheryl, You can’t imagine how much you lift us up by being a part of the Queen community. It’s a two way street and we’re glad we’re there for you as well.

  11. cindy says:

    We hear you Denice. The most destructive anger is the kind we turn inward on ourselves. We want to encourage every woman to take a deep breath and forgive herself for even thinking she could be perfect. It’s not possible. We’re human and when we whoop up on ourselves for something that’s not possible, we stop ourselves from being who we can be. Thank you for being here and for your support!

  12. Cherie says:

    What a true blessing reading this message today! I just had another quote from a book I was reading reach me, and together these messages are healing my inner being. The quote was: “We never fully realize how bad things have been until life gets better. The full extent of past hurts only hits us when we feel the unmistakable contrast between our painful past and our happy present.” Barbara Sher in “T Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was” And I realized that the feelings of the past that were hitting me recently were only there so I can process them, because I am in a good place in my life for perhaps the first time in my life. And when I get these processed, I can grieve and then feel forgiveness in myself. Bless you!!!

  13. cindy says:

    You said it so beautifully Cherie. Process and forgive. Thank you!

  14. cindy says:

    Mary, what a great point that in forgiving and accepting others, you’ve been better able to do the same for yourself. That’s wonderful and we’re so grateful that you took the time to share that with the group.

  15. Debbie says:

    Lori – what a coincidence. I also have seen a baby in my dreams and I personally recognize her. This must be the same thing you see – yourself! Amazing.!!!! Thanks for the insight

  16. Maria says:

    WOW………I have been on a journey towards living a healthy life by learning to make good choices about the food that I put into my body. I have lost over 80lbs without drugs or surgery. Some days are easier than others in regards to exercise. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and each day brings a different set of challanges. I woke this morning to find this Queen of your life email which I had totally forgotten about joining! I really needed to be reminded that I am the Queen of my life & keep moviing forward!

  17. Maria says:

    WOW………I have been on a journey towards living a healthy life by learning to make good choices about the food that I put into my body. I have lost over 80lbs without drugs or surgery. Some days are easier than others in regards to exercise. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and each day brings a different set of challanges. I woke this morning to find this Queen of your life email which I had totally forgotten about joining! I really needed to be reminded that I am the Queen of my life & keep moviing towards my goal of living a happy & healthy life………… SO IT SHALL BE DONE!

  18. Hazey says:

    Fantastic timing! <3 how you see things & help me see things:)

  19. cindy says:

    And we love that you’re here! Thank you.

  20. cindy says:

    Hail Queen Maria, wise and beautiful. We believe you can do it.

  21. cindy says:

    We are all so much more alike than we are different, aren’t we Debbie.

  22. BS”D
    Shalo and thank you for this website.
    It is a rich approach to our frelationships to self and queen. I like it and am smiling ear to ear..
    Chana

  23. cindy says:

    Thank you Chana, we love a good ear to ear smile 🙂

  24. mary says:

    This is so true and so hard to accomplish. I noticed today when I dropped a knife in the kitchen I immedately started calling myself “stupid” then I stopped and thought of what the Queens have taught me. I asked myself would you call one of your grandkids stupid if they just did that? Of course not! I would laugh and pick it up and probably give them a kiss to send them on their way. I would never talk to them or allow anyone else to say to them the things I say to myself on a daily basis. In fact I’d probably punch someone who said some of the things I say to myself to anyone I know. I would be appalled. Well good Lord, I should be appalled when I do it to myself all the time. This is harder than weight struggles, or other issues that seem difficult. To me this is the hardest struggle I’ve ever faced because changing it seems so hard. It’s become second nature to berate and belittle myself. Isn’t that sad? My husband if he hears me gets so mad. Bless him! I’m not some loser, I’m a very intelligent, capable, loving, generous, beautiful woman. I’m not stupid, ugly, a failure, etc. and so on and so on. Somehow I am going to change this before I step off this earth. Enough of it already. I thank God for Queen Kathy and Queen CIndy because you are helping so many of us realize what we have done all of our lives to ourself and to change it. I think there is a whole generation of Grandma’s about to rock this world as we finally step out of these self made cocoons. Keep fighting ladies. We are Queens, we are beautiful, we will overcome!

  25. cindy says:

    You said it Mary. We are going rock this world as we claim our own!

  26. cindy says:

    You are so inspiring Queen Maria. Thank you for letting us know that our newsletter showed up just at the right time to remind you that you’re doing a great job!

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