Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Let Those People Go

She had the courage to gently, but firmly, let go of the people in her life that did not treat her well. - Queenisms™

She had the courage to gently, but firmly, let go of the people in her life that did not treat her well. – Queenisms™

Remember when the good witch tells Dorothy she had the power to go home, all along? Well you have had the power, all along, to make your lives simpler, gentler, less stressful and more joyful simply by doing a little boundary setting and friendship housekeeping.

When someone consistently demonstrates their inability to treat you with respect and to support you unconditionally, you have to ask yourself “what do I get out of this relationship that keeps me here?” And, then you have to have the courage to listen to your own answer. Some common reasons might be “because I can help her,” or “because I deserve this treatment,” or “because I don’t know how to get out of this relationship.” From the bottom of our hearts and at the top of our lungs, we’d like to say “stop.” Stop trying to please everyone at every moment, even people who treat you poorly. Stop trying to save everyone. Stop. Only when you know your part in a bad relationship can you move on and not repeat that pattern.

How you ask? By being rigorously honest with yourself and others. Start by telling people how their words and actions make you feel. This gives them the opportunity to alter their behavior. If they can’t or won’t, then alter yours. Stop accepting invitations to be abused. Say no when they ask you favors. Say no when they invite you over. Say no when they call. By standing up for yourself and your right to be treated well, you are finally saying yes to yourself. Only rigorous honestly can help you end relationships that drain your joy.

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7 Responses to “Let Those People Go”

  1. Judy Brown says:

    What if it is a family member?

  2. cindy says:

    Family members are a tough one, Queen Judy and here’s what we’d ask you if you were here in person. If it’s a spouse, then is it time to try couples counseling? If it’s an adult child, have you set up an expectation that you’ll continue to solve all their problems for the rest of their lives? If it’s a sibling, an honest talk is long overdue and some good solid boundary setting is in order. Tell us more and we may have some more concrete tools to offer.

  3. Vernita says:

    Hello, I have let go of family members, who were always being Ill manner to me. I’m better for it. I also want to thank you for having this site.

  4. Michelle says:

    I needed this today and in fact my husband needs it too. There a huge, ugly fiasco with his ex and I’d had enough last week of her bullying and threatening and I took it upon myself to say enough. It got uglier last night but I/we are standing our ground. We can’t solve her money problems and we can’t continue to turn a blind eye to the abuse and neglect of the children. If the children are taken away so be it, if they come to us fine, but we’re not tolerating the abuse verbal, financial, emotional for us or the kids any more…but it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Thanks for the words of inspiration.

  5. brandy says:

    Beginning of 2014 I did just that! STOPPED! I went on a “stopping spree”! I cleared out old messages, my Facebook”friends”, o dwindled it down from max 3500 to 50! That was alot of work. Ever day I saw less and less negative drama and more positive posts by groups or pages I joined of affirmation & inspiration & motivation! Everyday I read hundreds of posts, every morning at 3a I get your daily post and start my day with positive thoughts. Even though my arthritis disability says otherwise. I try to keep on the bright side as much as I can.

  6. Susan says:

    i always say, by saying no, i am saying yes to me. i am what matters, i put myself first, i believe that i deserve the best. i have a small circle of friends, who are true blue.

  7. cindy says:

    OK, we love the idea of a “stopping spree” Queen Brandy. We might just work that into an upcoming Queenism to spread that idea to more Queens. Wonderful.

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