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Queen of Your Own Life

My Mother’s Daughter | The Battle for You

by Kathy Kinney

After a lifetime of telling myself I’m not like my mother, I have to admit that in some ways, I am.  In order to explain what I mean today, I needed visual aids so I made this video that explains.  Go ahead and click on the link to see the video.

Click here to see Video.

Are there ways in which you’re like your mother?  Let me know what you think?

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4 Responses to “My Mother’s Daughter | The Battle for You”

  1. Alyse says:

    Kathy, what a marvelous video and very telling story. My hard lesson from my mother was her belief that love could change people. I knew about her relationship with her first husband whose rage had hospitalized her and lived growing up watching her destructive relationship with my father. The lesson was clear: this is not the life I will live. Her other lesson was a simple one: feed everyone. Feed hungry people, lonely people, sad people, old people, little kids. And give them some advice along the way. In this, we are very alike. Nobody leaves hungry from my kitchen (see recent photos of a kitchen re-do that involves the acquisition of a commercial stove). I’m sure you’ve seen the “kindhearted woman” cat symbol. In my kitchen there is an artist rendering of a petroglyph-style clawed cat. I think of it as my mom and me: kindhearted women cooking up goodness with a pinch of attitude.

  2. Kathy says:

    Kathy, your video brought tears to my eyes for two reasons. I knew your mother, worked with her and loved her. I have never seen the picture of your mother when she was younger and I loved that you added the butterflies to it.
    I too did not want to be like my mother. She was such a worry wort about everything and I now realize that she had anxiety issues that just weren’t talked about then. We clashed about everything, clothes, boys, things that I did or wanted to do, on opposites sides of the fence all the time. When I went to nursing school, I had a hard time because I was shy , doing things I had never seen or done before and the teachers were hard on me. But she insisted I get through it, maybe seeing something in me I didn’t at the time. When she got sick I used my nursing knowledge to take care of her. She let it be known that I was the member of the family with “heart”, which meant more to me than anything. During that time she presented me with a ring that was of my tastes and not hers. It wasn’t expensive or fancy, but it was exactly like one I would pick out for myself. My Mom has been gone for 22 years and to this day when I want my mother with me, I wear that ring as a symbol of her love. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see my mother, and maybe that is not such a bad thing after all.

  3. Such a wonderful tribute, moving memories…I still have my Mom, but we have had our rocky road, our knock down drag out fights, and we drive each other nuts. My childhood was far from perfect and often ugly…she freely admits now she did not do a good job. But when she would allow herself to show love and affection there is wonderful childhood memories. I too have for years fought to be polar opposite than her. But recently we have been helping each other heal from past and current hurts, through long distance emails
    ( unable for either of us to afford the travel expenses), she has stepped up to help my husband and I with money, even says she would rather do that than get the dentures she needs…would even give me the gift of a new smile if she could afford to do so, way before she would do the same for her. In that gesture I see myself, willing to do anything for the ones I love. I hold tight to that similarity. She said the other day that she just realized I looked like her, made me giggle, cause in the previous letter she said i was beautiful…I told her well that means she is beautiful too. It was such an empowering moment for the both of us as we have never really felt good about ourselves, the self esteem being robbed many times over. This was a very queenly moment, and I shall treasure it always.

  4. Kathy says:

    Kathy – thanks for reminding me about your friendship with my mom. I know she really enjoyed the time she worked with you. I learned a lot from my mother about how not to live my life. She made decisions when she was young about who she was then stuck to them all her life. My mother was fun, charming and loved by all who met her but she believed she was unlovable and lived her life that way. She kept a distance between herself and everyone she met including her family. She lived in great fear and never accepted the truth that she was so worthy of love. The great gift of growing older is the ability to look back and see the truth without judgment. I don’t fault my mother for the way she lived her life, she did the best she could. My job is to take the lessons I learned from watching her live and make sure I don’t make the same faulty decisions. I still work everyday to let go of my fear and be free to love myself and allow others to love me. It turns out my mother was a good teacher for all the wrong reasons but I’m really glad.

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