Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Set Firm Holiday Boundaries

This holiday season she could often be heard exclaiming, "Ho, Ho, No!" Nothing felt as good as setting a gentle but firm holiday boundary. - Queenisms™

This holiday season she could often be heard exclaiming, “Ho, Ho, No!” Nothing felt as good as setting a gentle but firm holiday boundary. – Queenisms™

The word no is not selfish. No is self-preservation sometimes. Sure we all must do things we don’t want to do on occasion. But if we’re constantly fulfilling the requests of everyone but ourselves, we’re not saints, we’re doormats. When we’re doormats, we begin to harbor resentment toward those who ask. They don’t deserve our wrath. They asked, it was our job to respond honestly, we didn’t and now we’re angry at them. Makes no sense, right? When we are honest in our responses about what we can do, what we’re willing to do and what we’re able to do, we’re setting strong boundaries, being truthful and ultimately building friendships and families based on mutual respect. Now, tell us what you think?

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8 Responses to “Set Firm Holiday Boundaries”

  1. Rosalyn says:

    I think every woman, from the age 12 on up should have this tattooed somewhere prominent on their body. Barring that, I think we women should take the responsibility to model this for ourselves and every other woman in our life!!!

  2. Susan says:

    This is a big one, and one that people who have no boundaries have difficulty with. I am big on boundaries, and privacy. It’s the best way for me to keep my life private, the way I want it. I do not need constant validation, on what is going on in my life. {Sound familiar, all the non-sense postings on social media, looking for someone to notice you.] And it is REALLY okay to say no, because as we all know, saying no, is saying yes to yourself. I am keeping my holidays very simple, because that is what works for me. I don’t do” the what is expected of me anymore.” Been there, done that. I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my grown children. That is what Christmas is for me.

  3. Lisa says:

    Beautifully said, Susan, and powerfully thoughtful prompt, Cindy and Kathy!

    After years of shopping from an equitable gift list for family and friends, then wrapping those gifts as though I had a gun to my head because, of course, there was a chaotic visiting schedule to maintain, Christmas had become a level of perfection that I could not physically perpetuate. When my marital status changed, I felt like I needed some type of yuletide therapy work! Oddly, that therapy came to me in the form of a co-worker who has always loved Christmas. This gentleman is not a romantic interest, but someone who shares my office. In observing his attitude, it occurred to me that the holidays are supposed to be fun!?!

    Last year, I decided to decorate his desk over Thanksgiving weekend. Another co-worker and I giggled as we hung ornaments and tinsel, imagining the look on his face when he returned to work on Monday. It was a major turning point for me to do a holiday activity “for the joy of it” rather than as an obligation.

    This year, I, too, will be celebrating the holidays simply, beautifully, and meaningfully. Year-long blessings will be remembered – my fellow QOYOL friends – and new, restorative traditions will be celebrated.

  4. cindy says:

    We love, love, love your story Queen Lisa and thank you so much for sharing. The idea of doing something “for the joy of it” is really “practicing happiness,” and we wholeheartedly approve! <3 Here's to a very happy New Year for you.

  5. cindy says:

    Queen Susan, we felt a sense of relaxation waft over us just reading your comment about simplicity and the holidays. Bravo and we hope you had a lovely time with your children.

  6. cindy says:

    Barring a tattoo, perhaps a lovely embroidered handkerchief 🙂

  7. Leslie Padgette says:

    This is what took me years to learn! After years of fixing the meal to end all meals for extended family, cooking and cleaning like a mad person, then cleaning up after everyone, i finally said No More, it’s my holiday too! We have the best Christmas now – we have dinner at a local wonderful Chinese restaurant, my daughter works there and she likes to work the Christmas shift so we are all together, relaxed, happy and festive. And all those family members, well, they get to enjoy the holidays at their own homes. Here’s to Ho, Ho, No!

  8. cindy says:

    Bravo, Queen Leslie and Happy New Year!

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