Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Setting a Strong Boundary

After a lot of practice she could now set a strong boundary without harming anyone, even herself. - Queenisms™

After a lot of practice she could now set a strong boundary without harming anyone, even herself. – Queenisms™

Why are we always yammering on and on about the importance of setting strong boundaries? Because the ability to tell others, in clear, calm terms, what we can and cannot do might just be the epicenter of happiness. It’s that important. When we say yes when we mean no, we set ourselves up for anxiety and frustration. And, equally as important a yes that isn’t honest sets our friends, families and acquaintances up as the bad guys, even when they’re not. Imagine how awful you’d feel if you asked someone to do something and they committed to do so, giving you the impression that this was something they were willing and able to do for you because they wanted to do so. Then you find out later they resent you because the “ask” made their lives complicated, strained and/or the opposite of happy. You’d feel awful and you’d most likely wish they’d simply told you the truth in the first place. Well, a serial “yes” sayer or someone who is unable to set boundaries on their time or personal space is contributing to the unhappiness of both the one who asks, and themselves. So let’s practice boundary setting, which we believe is just another phrase meaning honesty.

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6 Responses to “Setting a Strong Boundary”

  1. sharon trotter says:

    Thank you for this. It’s one of my toughest and most ongoing issues to get past. I’ve always been a people pleaser. Afraid of what people would think if I don’t do what’s expected of me, even if it’s something that I’m not happy doing. I’ve spent my whole life doing and being what everyone else expected or wanted me to be, do. I don’t want to be like that anymore!

  2. Linda Ward says:

    This really hit me between the eyes.

  3. cindy says:

    You are not alone, Queen Sharon. This is the big one for so many people, including us. Just by recognizing this is something you want to change, you’re already on a path toward that change. Bravo!

  4. Vernita says:

    I just half answer someone, leaving the impression that I might be doing what they asked,
    but I know I have No intention of doing it. I’m going to tell them , today I’m not going. when
    I first heard of it, I said to myself. ” that a long way to go , to be insulted . thank you so much for this outlet.

  5. Vernita says:

    There, I did it. In clear, calm term. I sent a email.

  6. Susan says:

    i have always heard, that saying no to something i don’t want to do, is saying yes to myself. i try very hard to keep my privacy boundaries, my moral boundaries. i don’t think that the whole world has to know my business. so saying no has been a journey for me, and i can no longer worry about what anyone else thinks when i say the word no.

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