Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Posts Tagged ‘forgiveness’

Choosing to Forget and Forgive

Friday, January 15th, 2016

She decided to get really good at forgetting and forgiving. It was her life and she didn't want to waste a minute of it on a bunch of horse feathers. - Queenisms™

She decided to get really good at forgetting and forgiving. It was her life and she didn’t want to waste a minute of it on a bunch of horse feathers. – Queenisms™

Forgetting and forgiving are life skills that can mean the difference between happiness and sorrow. Holding on to hurt, and or regret, closes us off to experiencing joy in the present. When we are hurt or angry, we feel bound up with the strain of those emotions. We hang onto them like a righteous sword. We put ourselves in a state of anxiousness. We do not resolve, move past or fix anything by holding onto hurt or regret. But when we forgive, we can move toward forgetting. And, we get it. We may never forget some things. But we can get to a place where they don’t occupy such a large chunk of our thoughts. We deserve to make space in our lives for more joy. And, we can choose to forget and forgive.

Enjoying the Present

Monday, December 7th, 2015

She had grown tired of looking back at the mistakes of the past. She decided it was time to enjoy the present. - Queenisms™

She had grown tired of looking back at the mistakes of the past. She decided it was time to enjoy the present. – Queenisms™

Sure, we can learn a lot from our past mistakes. But when we dwell in the past, playing those missteps over and over in our minds, holding ourselves hostage and withholding forgiveness from ourselves, we’re giving up on happiness. Let’s make a vow right here and now. Have a serious talk with yourself this week. Acknowledge past mistakes. Write yourself a letter. Get it all out. Then stand in front of a mirror and repeat after us. “I forgive you. I believe that most of the time you did the best you could. I believe in you. I believe you are worthy of my affection and support. I believe you have more to offer in the present and being stuck in regret and shame is a waste of a precious life. Your life, my life, is precious. I forgive you.”

Now, let’s open up the present, shall we?

Defeating the Big Fat Lie

Friday, August 28th, 2015

She had been taught that nice girls don't toot their own horn. But her grace, humor and intelligence made her shine so brightly that she didn't have to toot anything. - Queenisms™

She decided to forgive herself for never believing she was enough. It had been a big, fat lie. – Queenisms™

Next time you think to yourself, “I’m not good enough,” we want you to stop and say out loud, “Liar, liar, pants on fire.” Sounds silly, we know. But here’s the truth. Words matter. When we tell ourselves untruths, it affects us physically and emotionally. We’re engaging in a form of abuse, and we’re doing it to ourselves. Rescue yourself from the hands of this abuser and distance yourself from this kind of emotional manipulations. Then forgive yourself for ever having believed it in the first place.

How? With practice, patience and humor. Not as easy as it sounds, you say? You’re right. It’s not easy. Neither is any skill worth having. Did you ride a bike first time up? Did you sit down at a piano and play a concerto perfectly? Did you learn to walk but simply standing up? Do you beat yourself up because you didn’t speak at birth? No, because you know these life skills took practice. So does happiness and believing in yourself. Self-esteem is a practiced habit and anything to the contrary is a big, fat lie.

Permission to Take a Break

Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

Permission to Take a Break

She gave herself permission to take a break from people, places and things that did not support her emotional well-being, and the grace of that decision was simply beautiful. ~ Queenisms™

We may not be able to totally break free when they are, for example, family, but we can set a very strong boundary by publicly stating, “I will treat you with respect, love and support and I expect you to do the same with me.” They will be stunned at first, but if you stick to your guns, they may come around. If they don’t, at each infraction, you can say “I’m going to remove myself for now while you think about a different way to speak to me. When I come back, let’s try that again.” We know this will be hard but think about the wonderful role model you’ll be to other family members who are probably experiencing the same thing but don’t have the courage to speak up. If all is said in love and confidence that you are worthy of respect, it can work.

Have you successfully set boundaries? Let’s share our stories and share our strength.

Permission to Feel

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2014

Permission to Feel

She gave herself permission to feel the pain of disappointment, loss, frustration and anger that came when life threw curve balls her way. Then she got up, dried her tears and dared to find joy again. ~ Queenisms™

When we try to muscle through pain or disappointment or anger, we just feed it. Giving ourselves time to feel our frustrations helps us move past them. The key, for us, is in the moving on. Our most important tool in moving past disappointment is to tell one another, to express the distress or any feelings and get it out of our heads. Speaking it out loud to an agenda-free friend takes away the power these feelings hold over us when kept in the darkness of our thoughts. Speaking them out loud makes sure they don’t become shame, regret, or any other self-harming thoughts. We also like to physically release these feelings once we’ve acknowledged them. Sometimes we say “I put this in a bubble and I blow it away.” We mime doing so and while silly, the physical act is useful. The other think we do is “name it and claim it.” This exercise is about writing down the feelings and letting ourselves really pour it all out onto paper. Then read the paper and burn it up or put it through a shredder, saying “I release these feelings.” Words have power and you hold the control switch. Use words to control the power of emotions. Need someone to listen while you release those emotions?  We’re here.  How’s everyone feeling?

Be the Star of Your Own Life Story

Monday, June 2nd, 2014

Center Stage Living

She was done being a supporting player in her own life. It was time for her to walk to the center of the stage and find her light. – Queenisms™

What will it take to make you step out into the center of the stage and take a leading role in your own life? Being a supporting player is lovely in the theater but it’s not lovely in real life. You matter. Your thoughts matter. Your actions and your dreams matter. You can still be a good, loving, generous, warm and supportive person without holding yourself back. If you thrive and shine, you will not be taking anything away from anyone else. You’ll simply be using your gifts in a bigger way. It is possible to be center stage in our own lives, fully in the spotlight, without being selfish, self-centered or blind to the needs of others. There is more than enough joy in the world and you do not have to hide your light to make others feel shiny.Are you ready?

Nip Excuses in the Bud

Sunday, June 1st, 2014

Nip excuses in the bud

She was tired of the excuses she’d been giving herself about why she couldn’t make her own dreams come true. She vowed to nip them in the bud and just go for it – starting today.~ Queenisms™

Sometimes we find that, even we are tired of our own excuses. A little tough love is in order when this happens. We like to say “nip it in the bud” to ourselves whenever we find ourselves stringing together yet another list of reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t or couldn’t do something that lives only on our wish list. Our new motto this year is “why not me?” And we’d add, “why not you?” Is there something you dream about doing but find excuses not to try?

Lighten Your Load

Saturday, May 31st, 2014

Would've, Should've, Could've

She took a deep breath and let go of the would’ve, should’ve, could’ves that had been weighing her down. She smiled at how light she felt without them. ~ Queenisms™

We sometimes don’t realize just how heavy a load we are carrying around until we set it down. What would happen if you set down every thought about what you could have done, might have said, should have accomplished? Can you image how light and carefree you might feel? It’s possible, but it may take practice. Whenever these words or thoughts come up, stop what you’re doing and say, out loud:  “I’m rejecting these old ways of thinking. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I will not remain a prisoner of a past action, word or decision. I release these unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. They are no longer useful.”

Once you’ve rejected these outdated expectations of yourself, do not let them creep back into your life. Stand guard and shut them down the moment they pop up. Do not allow them to embed themselves into your life again.

Take a Deep Breath

Friday, May 30th, 2014

Take a Deep Breath

She took a deep breath and reminded herself, “I made it this far and I have the courage to make it all the way. “ – Queenisms™

We are all doing the best we can and some days, “I made it this far,” is good enough. At the end of every day, take a deep breath and thank yourself for making it through the day. Thank yourself for having your own best interests at heart. Remind yourself that you’ll never let you down. We find that having short conversations with ourselves, like this one, are almost like a meditation. They help us get into a mindset that is conducive to self-respect, self-esteem and self-care.

Life is a Wild Ride

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

A Wild Ride

Life sure had been a wild ride so far. She’d survived it all and she decided she was ready for whatever adventure was in front of her. ~ Queenisms™

We’ve been talking about the word “evidence” all week and here’s another terrific example of the evidence telling us something about ourselves. If you are reading this, chances are you’ve survived something or several somethings in your life. Picture yourself on the top of a very windy mountain for a moment. Indulge us. Close your eyes and picture yourself there, with the wind blowing in your hair. Now look down at the trail that you just traveled. In some parts, the trail is smooth and easy to hike. But look there. That’s the spot where you feel down and skinned your knee and there’s a spot where you almost walked over a cliff and there’s still another spot where you sat down and almost didn’t continue.  But you did continue and here you are. You survived, you climbed and you are in this spot right now. Take a moment to appreciate that you are a very strong traveler who did not give up despite the fact that the path was seldom easy. Now cast your gaze down the other side of the mountain and notice how much easier it will be to climb down than it was to climb up.

We’re all travelers. We’ve all stumbled along the path and for those of you who’ve gotten up, dusted yourself off and continued on, bravo. Life is a wild ride and you deserve to enjoy the adventure.