Queen of Your Own Life by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude, a way of life and a call to action for grown up women everywhere.

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Queen of Your Own Life

Posts Tagged ‘Queenisms’

Setting a Strong Boundary

Wednesday, April 29th, 2015

After a lot of practice she could now set a strong boundary without harming anyone, even herself. - Queenisms™

After a lot of practice she could now set a strong boundary without harming anyone, even herself. – Queenisms™

Why are we always yammering on and on about the importance of setting strong boundaries? Because the ability to tell others, in clear, calm terms, what we can and cannot do might just be the epicenter of happiness. It’s that important. When we say yes when we mean no, we set ourselves up for anxiety and frustration. And, equally as important a yes that isn’t honest sets our friends, families and acquaintances up as the bad guys, even when they’re not. Imagine how awful you’d feel if you asked someone to do something and they committed to do so, giving you the impression that this was something they were willing and able to do for you because they wanted to do so. Then you find out later they resent you because the “ask” made their lives complicated, strained and/or the opposite of happy. You’d feel awful and you’d most likely wish they’d simply told you the truth in the first place. Well, a serial “yes” sayer or someone who is unable to set boundaries on their time or personal space is contributing to the unhappiness of both the one who asks, and themselves. So let’s practice boundary setting, which we believe is just another phrase meaning honesty.

Guffaw, Chortle, Snort

Tuesday, April 28th, 2015

Sometimes she laughed out loud, to herself, in a way that caused people to stare. And she decided there was nothing wrong with that. - Queenisms™

Sometimes she laughed out loud, to herself, in a way that caused people to stare. And she decided there was nothing wrong with that. – Queenisms™

We would never look askance at any women who laughs so hard she loses control of her bodily functions. In fact, we might just applaud her. The gift of being able to see the humor in a situation is life affirming and we’d like to say bravo to every woman who allows herself to guffaw, chortle, snort, chuckle, belly laugh or whatever form of pure appreciation she is able to utter. Bravo Queens. We’re with you. Here’s to a day when even a slight smile can be the beginning of something loud, disruptive and purely delightful. *snort*

Stop Comparing Yourself

Monday, April 27th, 2015

She decided to stop comparing herself with everyone else she met. - Queenisms™

She decided to stop comparing herself with everyone else she met. – Queenisms™

Comparing ourselves to others is something nearly every one of us has done yet the futility of this is striking. First, we can never truly know what is going on for that person we admire. We believe that if you could stand in their shoes for any length of time, you’d most likely choose your own “baggage” rather than trade with them. We can’t always see the pain, fear, frustration and anxiety that is a silent partner for most people. But that aside, we all have something about us that needs to shine and when we dull our shine due to some misconception that our lives would be better if we were like that person or this person, we turn our attention away from those things that could be our most important assets. And, finally, we’d just like to say “snap out of it.” If we were all exactly the same, what a boring world this would be. It’s precisely because of our differences that we are more beautiful, fascinating, clever, talented and creative. So put away your cookie cutter mentality and let yourself be unique you. No one compares to you!

What If

Sunday, April 26th, 2015

She began to wonder "what if . . .?" What if she stopped worry about what everyone expected of her and started thinking about what she expected of herself?" - Queenisms™

She began to wonder “what if . . .?” What if she stopped worry about what everyone expected of her and started thinking about what she expected of herself?” – Queenisms™

Recently we’ve begun to ask ourselves “what if?” What if we stopped worrying about what others think about how we look, how we spend our time, where we choose to put our creative energies, who we love, how we act or whatever metric we use to curb our behavior in one way or another? What if we painted our front door a bright blue that clashed with all the other black doors in the neighborhood? What if we decided to laugh out loud when the mood struck? What if we wore a bathing suit without possessing a perfect (or even acceptable) body? What if we danced because the music called to us – even though we were in the canned goods aisle of our local grocery store? What if we held the door for someone just because they looked like they could use a friendly gesture? What if we bought more flowers than could possibly fit into one vase and had TWO bouquets on our desks? What if . . . What would you do if you stopped worrying about what others expected of you and simply, clearly, bravely followed your own heart?

Buy Yourself Flowers

Saturday, April 25th, 2015

It was just a buy yourself flowers kind of day. So she did. - Queenisms™

It was just a buy yourself flowers kind of day. So she did. – Queenisms™

The power of flowers comes from something in addition to their beauty, scent and esthetic. The power of buying yourself flowers comes from believing you deserve them. That word, “deserve,” is so often given negative meaning as in “she’s selfish.” But we think there’s another way to look at this. The act of giving ourselves small gifts that serve no purpose other than to bring joy is important. Practicing nurturing ourselves is a step toward believing we are worthy of joy, beauty, kindness and pleasure. It’s along the same line as stopping ourselves from negative self talk. Giving ourselves small gifts is a way of speaking positively to ourselves with actions rather than words. And flowers aren’t the only way to do this. Giving ourselves the gift of a quiet moment, a walk, a rest or simply a pause in our daily activity for no other reason than “I want to give you this gift,” is similar. If the pause is accompanied by the thought “I’m so stressed,” that doesn’t have the same impact as “you deserve a little break.” So what will you give yourself today just because you deserve to be nurtured by you? Remember, the power of buying yourself flowers comes from believing you deserve them.

She did not give a fig

Sunday, April 19th, 2015

Everyone thought she was a rebel because she decided to make "someday" happen today. And, she didn't give a fig. - Queenisms™

Everyone thought she was a rebel because she decided to make “someday” happen today. And, she didn’t give a fig. – Queenisms™

What if you tried and failed? What if you tried and succeeded? The success part requires the try part. So many of us put off doing those things that are in our hearts. Often it’s because we’re worrying about what others might think if they saw us try and fail, or try and succeed. Worrying about “what they’ll think” is really not a very good excuse for not creating the life you deserve. Because what they’ll think is “Gee, I wish I had the courage to do that.”

So to nurture an attitude of not giving a fig what “they’ll” say, here’s a little something we like to do when we’re pondering doing something bold. We like to ask ourselves two questions:

  1. How will I feel if I don’t do this?
  2. How will I feel if I do?

See, you already know the answers and you only need to start down the path toward the goal to be on your way. What would you do if “someday” were today?

Gratefully Trying Again

Saturday, April 18th, 2015

She was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to try again. - Queenisms™

She was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to try again. – Queenisms™

That opportunity exists for all of us. There is simply no expiration date on  this. Whether you’re trying to make healthier choices in your life or choosing to surround yourself with supportive people or deciding to learn a new skill, there is a new opportunity every morning. We’re so grateful for that. Can you imagine what life would be like if we could never change our minds, choose a new path, reinvent ourselves or make a different choice? Yowza life would be dull. What are you grateful for in this moment before you decide to try again?

Congratulations on Your Imagination

Friday, April 17th, 2015

She took a long look at her life so far and thought, "I didn't do anything perfectly but I sure used a lot of imagination!" Then she reached over and patted herself on the back. - Queenisms™ Photo: Paige Buffone's grandmother, Dorothy Bolam Buffone

She took a long look at her life so far and thought, “I didn’t do anything perfectly but I sure used a lot of imagination!” Then she reached over and patted herself on the back. – Queenisms™

Special thanks to Paige Buffone for allowing us to turn her grandmother, Dorothy Bolam Buffone into a Queenisms quote.

We can use our imagination to help us or to hold us back. The choice is yours. We use our imaginations daily. Sometimes we imagine good things and sometimes we imagine things that just knock the stuffing out of us. We call those the “what ifs.” What if I fail? What if I’m not enough? What if no one cares? What if [insert endless list of worries here]. But we’re also capable of imagining ourselves creating good outcomes for clients and friends, helping someone or ticking things off of our personal to do lists. We can imagine ourselves tending to our health and well being. We can imagine ourselves making time for good friends and things that make us laugh – most often the same thing. We can use our imaginations for good if we choose to do so. What will you imagine this week?

Shush Those Negative Voices

Thursday, April 16th, 2015

She shushed those negative voices so she could hear her Queen voice say, "you are enough." - Queenisms™

She shushed those negative voices so she could hear her Queen voice say, “you are enough.” – Queenisms™

Those negative voices in your head need to be called out and admonished so they change their tune. You know what we’re talking about. Those voices that whisper “you’re not good enough” are not coming from anyone but yourself. And, no one can shush them except you. Now it might sound nutty, but we find it helpful to tackle those thoughts head on and out loud. Here’s what we do. Look yourself in the eyes, in a mirror, and repeat after us. “Hey, it is not acceptable for you to speak to me that way. I will no longer tolerate that kind of negative talk. I am enough, exactly as I am. If I want to make changes to who I am, I’ll do it because I want to. I will not be bullied, badgered, or broken by nit picky negative thoughts that don’t uplift and support me. Now if you cannot say kind and uplifting things to me, you’ll just have to be quiet. Do we understand one another?”

Trust us. This really works. You may need to have the same conversation over and over again, daily or some days hourly. But if you do, you’ll change your voices. We promise. What will you say to your negative voices?

If They Don’t Get You

Wednesday, April 15th, 2015

She was a spunky, strong and kind woman who always held her head high and put her best foot forward. If others didn't get her it was their loss. - Queenisms™

She was a spunky, strong and kind woman who always held her head high and put her best foot forward. If others didn’t get her it was their loss. – Queenisms™

Special thanks to Katrina Walker for letting us turn Grandma, Carolyn “Carney” Allbritain into a Queenisms quote!

Finding your “tribe” is a life journey worth taking. When Queen Cindy’s daughter was in high school she felt she didn’t fit in. We used to tell her “you’ll find your people in college. . .and she did. Finding the people who get you is one of the most powerful journey’s you can take. When you find your tribe, you are home. And, we love the word spunky. To us a spunky woman is someone who does what needs to be done, even when she’d rather just curl up under the covers and tell the world to go away. Not that there’s anything wrong with that on occasion. We all need to give ourselves quiet moments (or days). But today we’re saluting the spunky women amongst us. Hip, hip, hurrah! Whose the spunkiest woman you know?